John W Partington
Suspend Disbelief - Have an adventure

Jake & Chearice: Cell Phone Conspiracy

"Jake, I've got a problem I need you to take care of."

Jake looked up at the sasquatch standing at the entrance to the cubicle. Tyson was Jake’s immediate supervisor, but not really a manager. Officially Tyson was a Team Lead, and therefore only a go between from managers to Jake. However, Tyson one day might make manager so it was best to stay on his good side. The fact that Tyson was an eight foot fur covered monster wearing a plaid tie and nothing else, made being cordial make a little more sense.

“What’s up?” Jake Sloan asked. Jake was a project officer, a jack of all trades, in the Department of Inter-Dimensional Affairs. Some days he taught courses to department personnel, other days he supervised departmental programs, did random paperwork, briefed officials and stakeholders, and occasionally flew across the omni-verse with a blaster strapped at his side to dispense justice. Project Officer was a catch-all term for the asshole who was responsible for pretty much everything nobody else wanted to do.

“The cell phones in Omicron-Twelve are demanding the liberation of their brothers and sisters in every other universe,” Tyson said. He said it with a straight face. One would think that self-aware phones demanding equal rights across the omni-verse would be an unusual thing worthy of some sort of facial expression. For Jake, it was a Tuesday morning.

“Did you tell them that all the cell phones in every other universe are not self-aware?”

“Yeah,” Tyson answered.

“What happened?”

“The ambassador demanded to talk to my cell phone.”

“All right,” Jake sighed, “Why is this coming to me? We have the whole department to resolve conflicts.”

“Senior management was impressed by your resolution of the Sigma Four-Tau Twenty debacle. I think they might be grooming you for more responsibility.”

“They were all geared up for a trans-dimensional war,” Jake gasped, “I told them to shit or get off the pot, and they ended up annihilating two universes!”

“But they’ve been really quiet since then,” Tyson agreed.

“They’re all dead.”

“But quiet.” Tyson repeated, “The DIDA Director is calling that a success,” Tyson pointed his hand at Jake with the thumb up and index finger extended like a pistol. “You’ve been noticed. If I didn’t know better I would think you were after my job. Cell phones, take care of it.”

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